Monday, May 01, 2006

May, the Census and picking a Religion

Hello all. It seems that Jim Roeg has listened up and isn't an liar like I suspected. Also Dorian shows us that the internet is a valuable learning tool.


On May 16th the Canadian Census is happening. I am going to ask everyone who comes here to comment on which of the following should be my religion. I will list the pros and cons of both.

Choice #1: Jedi

Pros:

  • Force powers like being able to do jumping flips and moving inanimate objects so cleaning the bathroom would be a snap.
  • There’s also the Jedi mind trick (which I can only ever say in a Jabba the Hutt voice) which would help getting VIP ticket to concerts or jumping lines at clubs or full restaurants.
  • And naturally the lightsabre. I ask you what red-blooded male hasn’t wanted a lightsabre? Plus if you get a purple one you could find all the lint on your clothes.
  • You get to wear a beard year round.
  • Loose fitting robes so you don’t have to worry about your wardrobe clashing.


Cons:

  • Could turn to the dark side (although the red light saber is a pro in my book)
  • Loose fitting robes and beards aren’t for everyone
  • Only talking in riddles and quotations
  • It’s make believe


Choice #2: Voodoo

Pros:

  • Army of zombies.
  • Voodoo dolls to help with tax audits.
  • Speaking in tongues.
  • General lack of clothing, a lot of fires and dancing.
  • Spitting rum into fires to make fireballs
  • Top hats, painted skulls and the whole skull/bone motif is pretty badass.

Cons:

  • Where do you get all those damn roosters?
  • Lack of fire-rum-breathing coaches
  • You need rhythm.
  • Pappa Shango
  • I can’t stand white dudes in dread locks who think drumming is “spiritual” then go hackysack in their adbuster brand name sneakers because they won’t sell out to the system man. I wouldn’t want to talk to them much.
  • Fingernail clippings and hair clippings are a bit too prevalent.

1 comment:

The Fortress Keeper said...

Go Jedi all the way. You don't want any of the Pappa Shango!