Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A bit more for today...

I did actually learn something from the Superman collection to end all collections of Superman material. The guys who work on skyscrapers are called "steeplejacks." I never knew that. It is also the story that proves doctors were prescribing drugs that are now illegal - like speed and whatnot. This story violates continuity from panel to panel, let alone how it relates to today's continuity (is Superman Skyscraper still in Metropolis?). When "Kirk Brent" (Superman's clever alias) is first up on the beams he is almost blown off by a gust of wind. He, geniusly, pretends he's doing gymnastics. Apparently gymnists can float in the air underneath metal beams. Shows you how today's athletes are just crap. And then a couple of panels later (after lunch so that may have something to do with it) he brushes off being blindsided in the head with a dozen steel beams. I know it's about shoddy materials and the crooks who pedal in them, but c'mon! I guess Metropolis is really in hurricane alley or something where every gust of wind is category five or more.

I also learned that acetylene torches can cut ANYTHING.

You got to be extra tough just to live in Metropolis. Forget Gotham, they got crime and stuff - big woop. Metropolis has wind gusts able to knock Superman off balance, they build skyscapers out of matchsticks apparently, and they have enough chlorine in the water to make the population retarded in order to disquise the kryptonite that is making Superman retarded.

So anyway, I think after Superman meets Brainiac and the bottle city he went to the Justice League and was relating this to Wonder Woman and Batman. The newly heroic Hal Jordan was sort of standing around in the corners when Superman tells Batman andWonder Woman how he was shrunk and tried to punch the re-large buttons but he slipped and went head first into the button. Wonder Woman was all "shyea right, you slipped." And Batman was like "You've been drinking the water again haven't you? Here, try this I call it the Batrita water filtration system." But Hal was thinking, "Hey, he can use his head and still show his face in the Justice League with pride. This gives me an idea...(WHACK). Damn ceiling tiles why do they always have to be yellow in here?"

Lois Lane is certifiable. I can't decide if she's the world's biggest dumb-ass, if she's utterly insane, or simply a misogynistic creation. WOW! I knew she liked Superman and is not supposed to know his secret identity but she is either legally blind or has the memory of a goldfish or golden retriever. How many times can Superman reveal to her that he's Clark Kent before she actually accepts that he's Clark Kent no matter how many metal belts he uses in conjunction with electro magnets. I was in grade school science, I've seen electromagnets work. Nobody ever flew in any of my classes because they had belt buckles (unfortunately). Maybe I should have gone to Catholic or private school...

Then she is given a lot of responsibility at the Daily Planet. Perry White leaves her in charge and we're always reminded how she's a brilliant journalist. They just never actually show Lois being either. She's put in charge and the first thing she does is have the printers make vanity pages for her before she verifies facts. Perry White is gone a minute and she's bringing the Daily Planet into debt for vanity.

There are two words that I will always think of when I think of this Lois Lane though. Fashion. Maven. Ms. Lane can dress for any occasion, especially parachuting it seems. How Jimmy Olsen ever got his helicopter license is WAY beyond me and why anyone would willingly get into any sort of moving vehicle, let alone one that can fly, is WAY WAY beyond me. That's another thing about Metropolis - everyone can slap a parachute on in like 2 seconds flat or your another statistic for Darwin. It eliminates the weak you see because apparently every tall building or flying machine comes standard with a Jimmy Olsen in Metropolis so you can either parachute or plummet in the hopes Superman can catch you without running head-first into Super-Girl. I guess anyone who doesn't like plummeting from tall heights just moves to Gotham. Crime there is at least at ground level - mostly.

More tomorrow. I have to go celebrate getting money back on my taxes. It's why I can't really type coheren thoughts here. I'm just all around excited or possibly delirious from the cold of death hangover I'm going through today.


Scipio said...

"But Hal was thinking, "Hey, he can use his head and still show his face in the Justice League with pride. This gives me an idea...(WHACK). Damn ceiling tiles why do they always have to be yellow in here?""


joncormier said...

Just thinking of that ceiling tile panel makes me chuckle. And I've never bought a Green Lantern comic. I like my Hal Jordan filtered through the internet with a steaming helping of cranial injuries.