Wednesday, December 21, 2005

10 - Jack Layton and the New Democratic Party

Previous Posts - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

My favorite thing to say about the NDP is that they’re not new anymore, they’re not all that democratic and it’s not much of a party. That and I think they had an internet survey on whether or not Mr. Layton should shave his moustache. That’s sad. Yet, they claim to not be a party that panders to anyone. I guess moustache issues aren’t included in that non-pandering declaration. The moustache demographic can truly decide an election if you’re not careful and since Mr. Layton is the only leader with a moustache he pretty much has that niche voter covered.

These guys are sort of like the superheroes that made creators want to reinvent everything. They were bright and shiny once, offering hope and new ideas but then everyone realized there was very little you could do with these characters. They have one thing to say and when it’s been said, you want to move on – or completely destroy anything that made the character unique. Same goes here. They were bright and shiny to my parents, but now they’re indistinguishable from any of the other parties. I keep hearing how they were working to give us good government, and they were, then suddenly they decided we need an election in the middle of the Christmas holidays that is twice as long as regular elections. It makes me want to say NDP Party just to piss off NDP members. It’s cute to see them get frustrated. “You’re saying New Democratic Party Party when you say NDP Party.” Yeah, yeah go sing strike songs like you actually worked for a union once for a summer job but your hands are softer than a baby’s bottom now because you’d rather kill yourself than work manual labour.

Ah well, at least they keep trying to be Green. That’s something that defines them from the other parties. Well, except the Green Party I suppose. I guess it would be rude to point out how the major supporters of the NDP are steel worker unions and auto worker unions. I can see how they would be a very ecological party with steel workers and auto workers. Two of the most environmentally friendly professions that cause not pollution whatsoever.

At least the logo is green now. It has the requisite maple leaf, but a green one this time. Thanks for changing it up.

Slogan for this election. “Getting results for people.” Not bad. Very assertive. I wonder what kind of results they mean though? Stool samples or like report cards? I do like it but I can’t help but remember that they were getting results and good government from a minority parliament but then decided they wanted more seats and could pull a few more seats from the Liberals in the middle of a scandal. What people want those kind of results? Besides the NDP, I mean? This is sort of like the spider clone saga. It started as a decent idea but then went to complete shit in a hurry.

Jack. What can I call Jack? Jack Spratt? Jack-man? The Dude? All I know is that this guy’s superpower would have something to do with shrugging your shoulders whenever you speak French. It’s hilarious. It’s like he has an itch he can’t scratch on his back and is trying to wiggle his shoulder blades so we doesn’t have to scratch on TV. So, here’s a picture of him getting results for people. Looks like he’s asking the other sissyneck politicians to “just bring it.” That’s pretty cool. I guess you can talk tough when your friends are teamsters. I guess at some point there will be a special book introducing a mini-series where this guy is unceremoniously shot in the head.

Superhero name: Jackass, I mean Jack-man.
Super Powers: Talking tough but can be stretched an shaped into any form other than what was promised.
Weaknesses: Economics. Constant reinvention of origins.
Super Team: Dippers (how can I come up with something better than the truth?)
Overall Rating: B


Jim Roeg said...

I've really been enjoying your run-down of the the election candidates, Jon (and must confess I've been waiting for your Layton post with much curiosity. Although I understand why he's well liked by many and seems like a nice guy, he exudes a kind of vanity that's really antithetical to what I think of as the "real" NDP (i.e. Ed Broadbent's NDP). The "hands softer than a baby's bottom" comment really sums up why Layton was a poor choice for leader--he doesn't help the party's image at all. As for this:
I guess it would be rude to point out how the major supporters of the NDP are steel worker unions and auto worker unions.
Not anymore! Sigh. Thanks for all the great punditry and Merry Christmas!

running42k said...

I echo Jim's comments. I too have enjoyed the political theme. With the above Marxist party, will we also have a Chairman Mao party one day? How about Che? Fidel? Tito? Let's go for the whole pantheon of Communist leaders

Also Merry Christmas.