7 - Paul Martin and the Liberal Party

The Liberal Party, along with the Conservatives and NDP, show us that politics at its best is politics at its worst. To me, Martin and his Liberals are like the second generation of heroes or heirs that inherited a legacy but since they didn’t have to work to earn anyone’s respect they just fuck it all up because they actually believe they’re entitled to have what they have.

To me, the Liberals are something like the re-imagined heroes of the nineties. They’re just riding a wave of success made by their predecessors. The thing is, we’re so used to them being around and since the other groups are even scarier they manage to remain powerful. I guess the Liberals have the potential to be something like Sandman or Starman but really they’re just Aquaman when he got all pissed off and yelly.

The logo unfortunately contains a large letter “L.” It’s fine as far as logos go, easily identifiable, and not too garish a colour. The trouble is, what kind of hero wants to run around with a large “L” on their chest? I know the fad at the beginning of the millennium where people used their thumb and forefinger to make the “L” on their forehead has passed, but I can imagine us all doing this behind a Liberal hero’s back as he streaks towards injustice with a large red L on his chest. Again with the "Maple Leaf as rising sun" motif. How many times does Canada need to rise?

The logo for this campaign doesn’t seem to be released yet, but last time they had “Team Martin” on all their signs. It’s not so bad as far as nineties superhero team names go. It’s all about ego isn’t it. I’m Martin, you’re my team so you’re Team Martin, any questions? The trouble is, you should be inspired by your leader if you plan to rally around that call, and since the Liberals have more back stories, underlying plots, and rifts than three years of X-men books, it’s hard to believe people would jump to this rallying cry. Then again, there are enough boot lickers and toadies in the Liberal party that they’ll all be cow-eyed and complacent until Mr. Martin turns his back or shows a sign of weakness. I always wondered why Megatron tolerated Starscream, now I get it, they were in the Liberal Party of Canada.

What about Mr. Martin? Here he is generating his energy attack. It’s compressed hot air or maybe he farted and stained his pants. Mr. Martin does have a bit of Starman in his story. His father was a great representative for this country, and Mr. Martin wanted nothing more than to follow in his father’s footsteps. The father laid a great path while Mr. Martin was given a quagmire of fraud and invertebrate scum, I mean young Liberals or maybe Conservatives – whatever, potayto potahto. At least the Liberals aren’t righteous sons of bitches, just horribly smug. Anyway, Mr. Martin so desperately wanted to be a defender of democracy like his father but was handed such a scandal ridden mess, it’s amazing he hasn’t jumped off a bridge yet. He stuck with it, and here he is, trying to keep cleaning it up – again. But I guess the only real connection between the Liberals and Starman is that Starman had a rod that looked like it could screw you, and the Liberals are adept at pulling our pants down.

Superhero Name: The Martinite
Super Powers: Hot Air, able to phase concrete plans and detailed promises into nothing.
Weaknesses: Can’t pass up a buck.
Superhero Team: The Invertebrates
Overall Rating: B+