Monday, November 20, 2006

Comics I'd Write for Cheap - Day one - The Brave and The Bold

This week I've decided will be brainstorming week where I tell you about comics I'd write, not for free, but for a low pay scale. Other people, more passionate than I have offered to write stuff for free, but I'm now a married man so I gotta get paid. Sorry I won't link to you if you've written something on your blog that you'd write for free because I don't want to miss anyone accidentally. Or I can't remember who did this already and I'm too lazy to find out - just mention it in the comments or something.

Brave and the Bold

I’m calling this book, The Brave and the Bold because it’s a heritage title and works with the characters. I wouldn’t make it an ever-changing team up book like it used to be because let’s face it they’d have about 4 team ups a year in these days of decompressed stories. And that’s assuming it stays of schedule. Not me. I’d make this book about Batwoman and Renee Montoya’s version of The Question. I'm predicting here, obviously. And as many single issue stories as possible.

No it wouldn’t be a lesbians on ecstasy book. In fact I’d make their relationship more like Elaine and Jerry’s relationship from Seinfeld instead of Ross and Rachel from Friends. The whole one hero loves the other who doesn’t love her back shtick has been done. Not here. Here there’d only be the occasional awkward mention when someone like Superman asks them how they met and they’d have to explain they used to date and that no, it’s not weird to work together and be friends. So, adult and normal instead of painfully cliched.

The big question would be why would Gotham need another dynamic duo – in addition to the Birds of Prey? The Birds of Prey are in Gotham right? I should probably read that book at some point, right? Well, it’s simple really. They’d be the Gotham version of the Green Lantern/Green Arrow team up dealing with timely issues. You know, things like environmental politics or low voter turn out for the municipal election – with kicks to the face at a premium.

They could deal with the ex-Batman villains and the occasional top billing villain who is a Gotham staple or just visiting. While Batman fights in the shadows against the core corruption at the heart of Gotham, these heroes would essentially protect Gotham’s borders. They’d be the minutemen of Gotham, without the current hatred of Mexico you see on those news stories of old white guys watching a fence in the desert. I’d keep them on as protection against Intergang and their efforts to rebuild. I like the idea of Intergang and these two staying on basically to thwart them.

Who could they fight?

Well, let’s brainstorm. Just off the top of my head I’d do the following issues:
1 - Intergang imports a Rocket Red suit, and it’s used for evil – they fight it.
2 - Intergang tries to obtain the Spear of Destiny – it’s a fake or some other macguffin.
3 - The War-Brides come to blow shit up – they get foiled.
4 - That plant man from Detective Comics shows up – the one that Paul Dini just created that was trying to kill Poison Ivy because she’s evil.
5 - They team up with Birds of Prey to bring down, I don’t know, let’s say, Bizarro Superman.
6 - They beat up pimps for like 22 pages solid.
7 - The Phantom Stranger shows up and they need to fight some demons and other crazy stuff because someone used the dark arts irresponsibly – like drugs or some other thinly veiled message.
8 - They fight Robot Devil – because I just saw that episode of Angel with the Luchadores and I love the idea of the Devil’s robot – but this would just be a robot that looks like the devil – it has flamethrowers.
9 - Intergang unleashes a new designer drug so the heroes can get all preachy.
10 - They track a shipment of Kryptonite to Metropolis in an attempt to save Superman from certain doom – Batman helps.
11 - Captain Cold comes to town and Mr. Freeze doesn’t take kindly to it - also Icicle shows up.
12 - Because Chris’s idea blew my mind, they’d fight The Karate Shark.

And there is a list of 12 single issues for a year. I’d just, you know, have to actually write them or arrange for a presentation at an elementary school where I talk about how cool my job is as a comic book writer and suggest an exercise for writing stories and steal the work of the children.

I could set up a few of these in each previous comic so there are a few continuation threads playing along. And I could add some random dude to each comic like how Hitchcock would show up in each of his movies.

Tune in tomorrow to see what else I’d write – cheaply. I mean, besides this content.


The Fortress Keeper said...

I'd buy that series. Especially the issue where they beat up pimps for 22 pages.

That's the problem with the new White Tiger mini - too much exposition and not enough pimp beating.

joncormier said...

I just sit back and think "What would Conan do?"