Friday, March 16, 2007

300 will rock your brain, and you will thank it

I think 300 is the greatest Hollywood movie ever. It’s what they really want to make as long as porn is available for free online.

This is a movie filled with flesh. Man flesh, women flesh, hacked flesh, deformed flesh, you name it. There’s a lot of sex, a lot of violence, a lot of yelling and way more style than I was expecting. It was balls to the walls and I loved every minute of it.

Yes, they had to fill two hours so there were some political scenes added to fill time and to let the woman actor keep her breasts covered and have a few more lines to make the job worthwhile, as well as somehow give the audience a break from the carnage. But in the end, it’s all about the 300 dudes with abs as far as the eye can see and hairless chests which made me a bit envious, tearing shit up. And then talking shit after they fuck your shit up.

It is a very simple movie and while not a great movie it is certainly an awesome movie. The camera work and visual look are really a lot better than I was expecting.

How can a movie that has buff mostly-naked dudes going all matrix on freaks in slow motion while heavy metal guitars wail, be a bad movie? Seriously, this movie should have been much worse than it actually was. Okay the ending was a bit ham fisted, but the rest was fan-freaking-tastic.

If you’re looking for historical accuracy go elsewhere, I mean this is a bunch of hairless Greeks, which just doesn’t happen, but if you want to mainline radical through your eyes directly to your brain then this is the movie for you. Forget about that healthy diet of film, gorge yourself on this cheese-steak coated with pixie-sticks.

I rate this movie: 300 spears out of 5.

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