Wednesday, March 22, 2006

You're damned straight I'm making fun of kid's comics

Before I bore you with vague descriptions of more fairly obvious observations from the Superman Collection to end all collections of Superman material, I give you some random thoughts.

It seems that women comic bloggers tend to be Green Lantern fans. Men comic bloggers tend to like seeing Hal Jordan suffer head trauma. Could it be that it's because he attracts all the ladies? I was never a GL fan and I don't know why. Is it the suit. His cute butt in the suit? My theory falls apart if you're gay, by the way.

I don't think I have a "sure sell." I used to think Excalibur would be one since I liked the book when I used to collect. But I remembered that I gave up collecting that book and I didn't want to buy the Magneto book and I didn't bother to buy the New Excalibur book. I guess Cpt. Britain is as close to a sure sell as I can get - but even that isn't a sure thing. Don't ask me why this is so, it just is. I feel he's a bit of a wasted character.

If Marvel does more New Warriors will the book be called The New New Warriors or The Brand New Warriors? And before you tell me that they're all dead and each team is called The New Warriors because the old team always dies, I've never ever read a New Warriors comic and I don't know who was ever in the team. I'm just being an ass.

So back to the Superman stuff. I should really write more of this stuff down because I tend to get typing and forget everything I wanted to write about.

Basically, why is he so worried about marrying Lois Lane? She's a babe. She's successful. She's intelligent. What gives? Who in their right mind would go to those lengths to AVOID marrying someone? I'm thinking if he never askes then isn't the point moot? There is some serious conflict going on in that man's mind when he repeatedly puts himself in a position where he asks her to marry him, or reveals his identity, then goes to extreme lengths to deny the truth. Is the Fortress of Solitude a metaphor for some type of closet I don't get? Maybe it explains the Kryptonian penchant for unitards - unless they were SERIOUSLY into figure skating as a planet.

I understand the whole - a man makes his own way sentiment, but this is going a bit far. Maybe it's as simple as boys think girls have cooties so we can't have Superman getting married. That kissing stuff is for the girls.

Then I'm struck by the inherent conflict in Lois Lane. She's meant to be an equal in many ways but she's almost always portrayed as emasculating Clark Kent or as completely inept/frivolous. I feel like Lois has really gotten short thrift here. Sure Jimmy Olsen is retarded, but Lois barely fares any better. She's like community functional at best in most of the stories with an obsessive one-track mind. I guess it's my modern sensibilities but I find it a bit grating to find Superman being so carefree and self-contained where his "equal" is so needy and incomplete without the man of her dreams.

I guess I'm wondering why these stories tell and don't show?

Oh, and how many heads do you think popped like melons because of this collection when continuity nuts tried to make it all fit together? I'm hoping at least one.

I find this series is like a three hour movie of a fat man being hit in the crotch then falling down stairs. Sure it's funny at first, but it really can't be sustained for three hours. I like this series but I can't sit and read it cover to cover. Small doses is enough.

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